Somatic Therapy Notes: Nervous System Regulation Isn’t About Feeling Calm All the Time—It’s About Feeling Everything
When we talk about nervous system regulation, a lot of people immediately think it means feeling peaceful all the time. Like, once your nervous system is “regulated,” you should be some kind of calm, collected perfect person floating through life unfazed by anything. But here’s the truth: nervous system regulation isn’t about always being calm. In fact, it’s more about being able to feel it all—the joy, the fear, the rage, the grief—and not get totally swept away or stuck in it.
Let’s unpack that.
What Is Nervous System Regulation, Really?
Your nervous system is your body’s communication superhighway—it tells you when you’re safe, when you’re in danger, when to slow down, and when to speed up. It’s designed to protect you. But like any system that’s trying to keep you alive, it can get a little overzealous.
Nervous system regulation means that this system is able to respond flexibly and appropriately to what’s happening. It means you can feel a wave of anxiety and still be able to breathe. You can feel deep sadness without totally collapsing into it. You can feel your anger rise without lashing out. A regulated nervous system doesn’t shut down emotions—it lets them move through, without hijacking your entire being.
It’s Not About “Good Vibes Only”
This is a huge misconception. We live in a world that often encourages us to suppress “negative” emotions in favor of good vibes, positive thinking, and endless gratitude journals. And sure, positivity has its place, but nervous system regulation isn’t about pushing away the hard stuff. It’s about making space for all of it.
When your nervous system is regulated, you’re not trying to avoid feeling uncomfortable emotions—you’re able to stay present with them. You trust that these emotions will pass, that you can ride the wave without drowning. Sometimes, regulation even means that you feel things more deeply—but with the capacity to hold them, instead of being overwhelmed.
Why It Feels So Hard Sometimes: The Survival Mind & Negativity Bias
Here’s where it gets tricky: our brains are wired for survival, not happiness. This “survival mind” is constantly scanning for threats—real or imagined—and it tends to overestimate danger. This is where the brain’s negativity bias kicks in.
Basically, your brain gives way more weight to negative experiences than positive ones. One harsh comment sticks longer than ten compliments. One failure overshadows a hundred wins. This isn’t because you’re doing anything wrong—it’s just evolution trying to keep you alive.
But here’s the catch: when the survival mind runs the show all the time, your nervous system stays stuck in a state of hypervigilance. You’re always bracing for impact. You react instead of respond. You feel exhausted, scattered, or emotionally shut down. That’s nervous system dysregulation.
And it’s super common. But it’s not the end of the story.
Regulation Is What Creates Freedom
When we learn to regulate our nervous systems, we reclaim the ability to choose how we respond to life. We stop reacting out of fear or habit and start making choices that align with who we want to be and what we care about most.
This is the heart of values-aligned action.
Say your value is connection, but conflict makes you feel overwhelmed. A dysregulated nervous system might have you avoid tough conversations or shut down emotionally. But when you’re regulated, you can feel the discomfort, stay grounded, and still show up with honesty and vulnerability. That’s values-aligned action in motion.
Or maybe you value creativity, but fear of failure keeps you from starting. Regulation doesn’t mean you won’t feel that fear—it means you can move with it instead of freezing up. You still feel it, but it doesn’t run the show.
So How Do We Get There?
Regulating your nervous system isn’t a one-time thing—it’s an ongoing relationship with yourself. It might look like:
Learning to recognize your body's cues (like tightness in your chest or shallow breath)
Using practices like breathwork, movement, nature, or co-regulation with safe people
Allowing space for emotions to arise, without judgment
Noticing the stories your survival mind tells—and gently challenging them
Practicing self-compassion, especially when you feel dysregulated
It’s not about being perfect. It’s about building capacity. It’s about slowly learning that you can hold big emotions, stay connected to your values, and make choices that reflect the life you want to live.
Final Thoughts
Regulation doesn’t mean you stop feeling. It means you feel more fully—but without getting swallowed up. It means having space inside you to hold both the fear and the courage, both the grief and the hope. And from that place, you get to show up more fully in your life. Not because everything’s easy, but because you’re more connected to yourself.
So if you’re feeling big feelings today, that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It might just mean your nervous system is learning to stretch, to breathe, and to let the waves come and go.
And that’s a beautiful thing.
If you want to befriend your nervous system and connect with deeper regulation schedule a consultation today!
