Freeing the “Good Girl”: How Millennial Women Can Reclaim Their Bodies, Boundaries, and Voices

If you're a millennial woman, chances are you’ve heard some version of this your whole life: Be kind and sweet. Don’t make trouble for others. Smile more. Be grateful. Don’t be too loud. Don’t be too emotional and don’t be a burden. Basically, be good.

The “good girl” archetype has been passed down through generations like a family heirloom—well-polished and tightly held. And while it may look innocent on the surface, underneath, it carries a heavy load of expectations, performance, and disconnection from self.

This archetype teaches women that their value lies in being accommodating, agreeable, and likable. That safety comes from being non-threatening. That love comes through self-abandonment. For many millennial women, this conditioning started early, in school, at home, in religious communities, or on the playground. And for Black and BIPOC women, this pressure to be “good” often carries an additional layer of survival strategy.

When “Being Good” is a Survival Skill

The world has been and continues to be actively harsh and hostile to women in so many ways—and even more so towards Black women, BIPOC women, trans women, women with disabilities, women over the age of 50, and other marginalized women. For many Black and BIPOC millennial women, being “good” wasn’t just about fitting in. It was about staying safe. Being palatable. Flying under the radar. Avoiding punishment, stereotyping, or being labeled “angry,” “aggressive,” or “too much.”

This kind of social conditioning can make the “good girl” persona feel less like a choice and more like armor. A performance of safety. An unconscious strategy to protect against racism, misogyny, and rejection. But here’s the cost: we disconnect from ourselves in the process.

Disconnection: The Hidden Cost of Being “Good”

When we’re constantly focused on being what others need us to be, we lose touch with our own needs. We tune out the messages from our bodies, dismiss our gut feelings, and override the signals our nervous systems are sending us.

That tightness in your chest before saying “yes” to something you don’t want to do? That’s your body trying to tell you something.

That clenching in your jaw when someone crosses a boundary? That’s your nervous system responding.

But the “good girl” in us says, Don’t make it a big deal. Be nice. Smile.

Over time, this disconnection from our own inner landscape can lead to burnout, chronic stress, resentment, and even physical health issues. Because we’re not meant to live in a state of constant self-silencing.

Reconnection Through Somatic Work

Here’s the good news: we can learn to come home to ourselves. And somatic practices—gentle, body-based approaches to healing—offer a powerful pathway to do just that.

Somatic work helps us rebuild the bridge between our minds and our bodies. It invites us to slow down, notice sensations, and listen to the cues our bodies have been sending all along. Through practices like grounding, breathwork, movement, and nervous system regulation, we begin to feel what it’s like to be safe in our bodies again. To trust our inner knowing.

This is especially powerful for women who’ve spent years (or decades) being told to override their instincts for the sake of being “good.”

Somatic practices also help us set boundaries—not from a place of fear or rigidity, but from a place of clarity and connection. When you’re in touch with your body, it becomes easier to recognize when something doesn’t feel right. And from that place, you can say “no” (or “yes”) with confidence, not guilt.

Boundaries and Connection? Yes, Please.

Here’s the thing: we often think boundaries mean pushing people away. But the truth is, healthy boundaries are what allow us to stay connected in sustainable, nourishing ways. They’re what let us show up more authentically—because we’re not stuck performing, people-pleasing, or pretending.

Somatic work reminds us that we don’t have to choose between boundaries and belonging. We can have both. We can be rooted in ourselves and open to others. We can say no without shutting down. We can stay present, embodied, and connected.

Freeing the “Good Girl”

The “good girl” part of you has the potential to be so much more than that. She has the potential to be compassionate, creative, caring, bold, hilarious, and so mult-dimensional. Freeing the “good girl” isn’t easy. It can feel messy and uncomfortable. But it’s also incredibly liberating. Because underneath all that performance is a woman who knows what she feels. Who knows what she needs. Who knows who she is.

And that woman? She’s not “good” in the way the world might expect—but she’s real, and that’s even better.

If you’re ready to come home to yourself, somatic work is a beautiful place to start. Not to fix yourself—but to come back to who you were before the world told you to be someone else.